As an anti-racist white woman who also wants to spot white racists, I do feel obligated to try to change them (and I totally agree that you are not). I've found that one of the most important but difficult steps in trying to educate a racist who doesn't admit it (perhaps even to themselves) is getting them to turn off right-wing media, including Fox. Otherwise, for every conversation I have with them, they're hearing dozens of counterarguments that are oh-so-masterful in cloaking their true intent.